So I've yet to tear into this blog as I probably should. I mean it's only proper to do it right if to do it at all. But I admit it's hard to hold my heart out for all to see. Pumping, thumping, dumping out my emotions on the page. I wish that I could show the raw ragged edges of myself, but I just can't. I'm not even sure I can give a decent witticism today. Because today I question what am I doing. Here in LA, trying this writing thing. Trying this living thing. Trying this not drowning thing. When self doubt mixes with self pity to rise over the levy and past my neck. I need to shake free and jump out of the waters like a ferocious great white eating yet another meal. But instead of dinning with sharks I wonder if I'm better suited for landlocked life, away for the tidal waves of emotions that this struggle brings. But for now I find solace in an imagined world. One where people like me are alone, but have each other. If that makes any sense. For me it does. Now I just need to translate that for you.

Back at it

So I had a lovely coffee encounter with a successful writer. She was willing to impart her wisdom and I dutifully listened. One thing she said was to finish my pilot and put the feature on the back burner. Done and done. Now I dusted off the last version of my pilot, and oh my gawd is it a mess. I feel like since I last worked it, I've learned more than I ever thought possible. But now knowing what I know, I still don't know how to fix the script. So back at it again I go. Wish me luck, because trust me these pages need it.

Also I feel this kind of implies to life in general. It isn't until we look back with some time in between that we see what truly was. Perspective can really only be gained in hindsight. Then you will realize what a mess your life has been. Too bad you can't rewrite it. Or can you?

Ain't Half Bad

So 21 out of 963 ain't half bad. Actually it's 97.9% not bad. So I have to hold on to that, right? Or is looking on the bright side what losers tell themselves to keep away the darkness. That feeling of never enough. Or when will it be my turn? Worse, was this my turn and I just missed it? Guess I can't be sure of anything for now. So until I am here is to being 2.1.

Horrible Terrible No Good Very Bad Day

Ever have one of those? Well, I just did. Got the big N-O on a life changer. So no change. Same old life. Like it or not. Going to go with not. When will I finally get up that hill? Seriously, feels like I just experienced a irreparable backslide. I know I'm supposed to dig in my heels and get back to climbing. But for now I'm going to wallow in my valley of discontent.

Morning After

So last night was one of those nights. A lot of places and faces. It began with champagne. Always a fun beginning, but once the bubbles fade the evening turns flat. I realize I have a lot of aggression. It's always been there I know, but like the champers it's bubbling to the surface. I got into it with an acquaintance over a relatively small disagreement. This is not the first time this happened. But as of late it's happening all to often. Is it me? Or are people just more annoying that usual? I think perhaps it's a bit of both. I just wish my sparkling white hangover would dissipate.

What the....?

Hey blog world. This one is for real. Not spam. Which I don't even understand. Why does canned meat want in on my action. ( so lame right?) Yeah, I can keep hamming it up until pigs fly. Trust me. The only way to stop me is to smile. Which didn't happen too often yesterday morning. Let's hope the stoned stares are not ominous in themselves. So keep those fingers crossed. Please! More to come!

Waiting...

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

What's in a name?

Some might be curious as to the origin of this blog's name. And even if you're not, you're going to learn it now. To begin it is an oxymoron, which is always fun. Furthermore, I am aspiring to know how the proverbial other half lives. In the meantime I remain barely on the right side of the poverty line. Making me like the multitude of Americans about to get screwed by the long term bailout effects. We are THE LARGER HALF.